"Outdoors, on that cool sunny day, the air held a promise of new life. Indoors, just steps away, the air was laden with the heaviness of impending death and the scent of a lavender candle. I planted normal that day"
What only a bereaved mother can feel and express. What only a bereaved mother can feel and understand. What no parent should ever have to know & go through. Susan, I see you, feel you, hold you … yet there is no way that I can know your pain, even though we as bereaved mothers bear similar cross on our hearts & souls. My son Utkarsh, a healthy bright & quietly content boy, transcended at 22, on one of the happiest day for him, with an undetected cardiac condition triggering the sudden silent cardiac arrest.
Laura & Utkarsh died. Yet they can't die as long as they continue throbbing in your & my heart.
Keep planting pansies dear friend. Stay warm & stay strong, for whatever ‘strength’ would mean to a bereaved mother. Love
Neena, Thank you! Thank you! And yes-you know my pain- better than many- true that we all internalize our own situations and our grief is very individual- but this deep pain that you, and other bereaved parents feel and are forever challenged to transcend daily to stay rooted in our earthly lives is a similar warrior like effort made softer with our own special ways to honor our loved one. I am deeply saddened to hear of your abrupt and tragic loss of your happy and seemingly healthy son, Utkarsh. I have known only two cases of a hidden deadly arrhythmia. You, with no warning at all and me with a long protracted illness- are both left to struggle with very different kinds of grief. I am so sorry for your devastating situation. You are making your son proud and he beautifully remembered in your poetry, books, and how you help so many find healing and meaning on their own grief journeys. your work matters. I am a grateful recipient. Much love- kindred Soul! 🙏❤️
Thank you for your kindness. Yes there has been much pain in our tremendous loss. The joy we shared during Laura’s life is still keeping us warm still and afloat.
Writing has helped me a lot too . When I write about our lives together, it’s as if she’s still here. I know she’s not, but it’s wonderful to relive it even though some memories are difficult it hard to relive, but I can’t forget them. That’s part of her story and our story. I need to tell Laura’s story -the good the bad and the ugly. I’m gonna get back to it this winter. I’ve been on a hiatus since my mom passed away. it’ll be a year on November 21 and I haven’t been able to write since she passed so I’m gonna get back at it. I know it’s coming I’ve been I’ve been full of ideas of what to write. i’ve been writing in my head now. I need to get it on paper. Does that happen to you?
Yes…it feels as if writing my story and Dom’s keeps him present…he still influences me really positively, and I hope I’ll always be able to feel he’s with me. I did a lot of writing about painful memories relating to Dom’s struggles with depression when I first started writing on here. Nowadays I find things feel less intense, so it’s more about moving forward (but never moving on as I don’t think we do this, we take them with us)
Thank you Esther for reading my story, for being touched by it, and for your empathy. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. One of my close friends lost her son to suicide. It’s so tragic-as all losses of our children are.
Thank you Susan, we don’t ever ‘get over’ this do we…this is my 5th year without Dom and writing on Substack has really helped my processing and finding myself again. Dom stays with me every day ❤️
"Outdoors, on that cool sunny day, the air held a promise of new life. Indoors, just steps away, the air was laden with the heaviness of impending death and the scent of a lavender candle. I planted normal that day"
What only a bereaved mother can feel and express. What only a bereaved mother can feel and understand. What no parent should ever have to know & go through. Susan, I see you, feel you, hold you … yet there is no way that I can know your pain, even though we as bereaved mothers bear similar cross on our hearts & souls. My son Utkarsh, a healthy bright & quietly content boy, transcended at 22, on one of the happiest day for him, with an undetected cardiac condition triggering the sudden silent cardiac arrest.
Laura & Utkarsh died. Yet they can't die as long as they continue throbbing in your & my heart.
Keep planting pansies dear friend. Stay warm & stay strong, for whatever ‘strength’ would mean to a bereaved mother. Love
Neena, Thank you! Thank you! And yes-you know my pain- better than many- true that we all internalize our own situations and our grief is very individual- but this deep pain that you, and other bereaved parents feel and are forever challenged to transcend daily to stay rooted in our earthly lives is a similar warrior like effort made softer with our own special ways to honor our loved one. I am deeply saddened to hear of your abrupt and tragic loss of your happy and seemingly healthy son, Utkarsh. I have known only two cases of a hidden deadly arrhythmia. You, with no warning at all and me with a long protracted illness- are both left to struggle with very different kinds of grief. I am so sorry for your devastating situation. You are making your son proud and he beautifully remembered in your poetry, books, and how you help so many find healing and meaning on their own grief journeys. your work matters. I am a grateful recipient. Much love- kindred Soul! 🙏❤️
warm resonant hug dear kindred soul-sister ... stay in light & grace
Thank you for your kindness. Yes there has been much pain in our tremendous loss. The joy we shared during Laura’s life is still keeping us warm still and afloat.
So moving Susan, losing our child is incredibly tough…sending love ❤️
we never get over it.
Writing has helped me a lot too . When I write about our lives together, it’s as if she’s still here. I know she’s not, but it’s wonderful to relive it even though some memories are difficult it hard to relive, but I can’t forget them. That’s part of her story and our story. I need to tell Laura’s story -the good the bad and the ugly. I’m gonna get back to it this winter. I’ve been on a hiatus since my mom passed away. it’ll be a year on November 21 and I haven’t been able to write since she passed so I’m gonna get back at it. I know it’s coming I’ve been I’ve been full of ideas of what to write. i’ve been writing in my head now. I need to get it on paper. Does that happen to you?
Yes…it feels as if writing my story and Dom’s keeps him present…he still influences me really positively, and I hope I’ll always be able to feel he’s with me. I did a lot of writing about painful memories relating to Dom’s struggles with depression when I first started writing on here. Nowadays I find things feel less intense, so it’s more about moving forward (but never moving on as I don’t think we do this, we take them with us)
Thank you Esther for reading my story, for being touched by it, and for your empathy. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. One of my close friends lost her son to suicide. It’s so tragic-as all losses of our children are.
sending you love and compassion.🙏😔❤️
Thank you Susan, we don’t ever ‘get over’ this do we…this is my 5th year without Dom and writing on Substack has really helped my processing and finding myself again. Dom stays with me every day ❤️
Thanks jeannie! i need to catch up on your posts, which I always love! I got behind in reading & in posting- busy end of school year for me. 🥰